AF Advice: How to Handle Ghosting

A concerned reader messaged me today expressing his distress about his romantic interest essentially ghosting him. He didn’t call it ghosting, but I will.

First, who is a ghost?
Someone you have been communicating with in a romantic manner that all of the sudden stops responding to your texts and/or phone calls without any explanation.

I would consider someone who ghosts other people a coward. They are taking the easy way out of a relationship, hookup situation, whatever the hell you want to call it. It leaves the other person confused, anxious and hurt.

My advice to anyone who thinks they are being ghosted is to reach out one last time. You can send a message saying “Is everything okay?” or something along those lines. That’s it. If you do not hear anything after that, you are officially ghosted (unless their phone is broken or something unusual is happening). People generally are able to respond to texts almost immediately unless they are at work, socializing, sleeping, driving, or on an airplane. It should not take more than a few hours for someone to respond to a text/call unless you know they are in a situation where they absolutely cannot be reached.

The cold hard truth:
I say this with love. People who want to talk to you will respond. People who don’t respond, do not want to talk to you. You may never know why they stopped wanting to talk to you, and that part sucks (well all of it sucks), however, it is safe to conclude that you should no longer reach out to them.

Moving forward:
I am sorry this happens. I hate that it is a part of our culture. That said, there are things you can do to feel better:

1) Remind yourself that you deserve better than a coward who ghosts people. Keep those standards high!

2) Take a little break from your phone. Don’t wait around for the other person to respond. Tell yourself that you probably won’t hear from them. Distract yourself with fun activities, friends, work, whatever you like to do.

3) Don’t blame yourself. Ghosting seems to happen to almost everyone.
I hope this blog post is enlightening. Remember, the truth will set you free. Be kind to yourself and move on to someone else who deserves you.

If anyone ever has anything on their mind, feel free to share it with me anonymously using this form. You may see a blog post from me dedicated to your concern.


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